I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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