I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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