Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
