im drinking this country out of the recession.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just google imaged poop.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
