Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
