My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
