He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
