I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
