It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize