one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
