this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
