i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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