i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
