but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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