She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
