woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
