I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
