She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
