I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
