would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
