1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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