walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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