I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
