I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize