its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
