dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
