she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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