So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
