Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
