idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
