just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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