i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
