You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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