My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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