Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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