Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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