yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
