i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
