if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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