You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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