Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
