Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
