I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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