It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
