I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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