I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
