Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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