All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
