just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
