I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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