Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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