At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
