Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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