This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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