alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
