No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
