Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
