Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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