We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
