By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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