Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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