got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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