Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
