Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
