Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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