I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
