I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
