I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
