You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
