So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize