I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
