Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize