i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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