I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
