probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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