You just made me feel so damn special
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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