Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
