Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
